The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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