The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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