I cannot find my penis.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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