I looked at my own cervix.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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