Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
