No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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