Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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