if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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