You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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