Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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