I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
