If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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