If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
