So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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