Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
