Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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