We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
