umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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