it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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