Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
