If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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