I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
