I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
