I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
