the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
