i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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