I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
is that a dick in a sweater?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
