I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
