Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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