Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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