is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
