imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
