My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
