but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
