before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
