I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
