I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
