Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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