And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We have so much sex to catch up on
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
