Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
