This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
