DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
