My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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