he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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