I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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