all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
