i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
