FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
