you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
