Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(571): View more from Virginia

is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?

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(586): View more from Michigan

i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"

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(+35): View more from

i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.

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(301): View more from Maryland

I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.

(301): View more from Maryland

Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.

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(316): View more from Kansas

You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman

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(216): View more from Ohio

I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!

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(307): View more from Wyoming

WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???

(1-307): View more from Wyoming

COSTCO IS MAGICAL

(603): View more from New Hampshire

I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.

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