i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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